Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Trust
One can not build a relationship without trust.
Well after my wonderful day of realizing how much I Love Jesse and how I know now that it has been my dad's influence on my relationships all these years. How I could not wait to talk to him. I was like a kid in the candy store. I was so excited I had a major break through. It was a good day for me. (even though I was not feeling well.... I am either getting sick or the ch. milk I had yesterday morning was bad).
I finally was able to talk to him. Alone! Karley was sleeping and the boys were getting themselves ready for bed. I was a bundle of nerves. I needed to fully explain about my dad his influence on me and how it somewhat has been effecting our relationship. This is really hard. He is not an easy man to talk to. Jesse is a hard person to talk to about anything but wood and fishing. If it is realtionships, kids, money etc, I can't really convay to him whats going on.
I start my conversation. He in puts here and there that I should learn to let go of my dad. I can see he wasn't paying attention. I continue for this is so important to me that I had this break through. We talk about how my Dad cheated on my mom . I did not want to make this about bashing my dad. I want to make this about us. How to get through all the hell we have been going through. I started talking about us. Of course I was taking my time.
He fell asleep. WTF! Here I am telling him how feel and how I finally have most of it figured out. Here I want to make things work here he is going to sleep on me. Why I asked him because you stopped talking. Enough for me. Left the room. Told him I can't make this relationship work and it is never going to work.
Then I here from him that he does not trust me, that about being in debit. Holly Cow this all came from left field. I want to profess my love tell him that I really want to make this all work and I get it. He tells me that he doesn't trust me. Well I really get it now. It is not me that he is interested in. It is the situation. The kids not me. This is just like Doug. He wanted a family he didn't want me. There is not trust there is no relationship. I am such a fool. I though I had it all figured out.
Boy Heather and Jeffrey are wonderful. Who could ask for a better cousin and a brother. They listened to be boohoo about my life once again.
Laura's Life: The Soap Opera. Oh there is a best selling novel. We could start when we first moved to Alries when I turned Six. So much is said and unsaid about the early years. It would be a good Soap Opera. lol
Well after my wonderful day of realizing how much I Love Jesse and how I know now that it has been my dad's influence on my relationships all these years. How I could not wait to talk to him. I was like a kid in the candy store. I was so excited I had a major break through. It was a good day for me. (even though I was not feeling well.... I am either getting sick or the ch. milk I had yesterday morning was bad).
I finally was able to talk to him. Alone! Karley was sleeping and the boys were getting themselves ready for bed. I was a bundle of nerves. I needed to fully explain about my dad his influence on me and how it somewhat has been effecting our relationship. This is really hard. He is not an easy man to talk to. Jesse is a hard person to talk to about anything but wood and fishing. If it is realtionships, kids, money etc, I can't really convay to him whats going on.
I start my conversation. He in puts here and there that I should learn to let go of my dad. I can see he wasn't paying attention. I continue for this is so important to me that I had this break through. We talk about how my Dad cheated on my mom . I did not want to make this about bashing my dad. I want to make this about us. How to get through all the hell we have been going through. I started talking about us. Of course I was taking my time.
He fell asleep. WTF! Here I am telling him how feel and how I finally have most of it figured out. Here I want to make things work here he is going to sleep on me. Why I asked him because you stopped talking. Enough for me. Left the room. Told him I can't make this relationship work and it is never going to work.
Then I here from him that he does not trust me, that about being in debit. Holly Cow this all came from left field. I want to profess my love tell him that I really want to make this all work and I get it. He tells me that he doesn't trust me. Well I really get it now. It is not me that he is interested in. It is the situation. The kids not me. This is just like Doug. He wanted a family he didn't want me. There is not trust there is no relationship. I am such a fool. I though I had it all figured out.
Boy Heather and Jeffrey are wonderful. Who could ask for a better cousin and a brother. They listened to be boohoo about my life once again.
Laura's Life: The Soap Opera. Oh there is a best selling novel. We could start when we first moved to Alries when I turned Six. So much is said and unsaid about the early years. It would be a good Soap Opera. lol
# posted by Kelmitt @ 4:49 PM 
