Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Letting Go
I have figured it out! The meaning behind why I can't have a real relationship. I am scared! The answer has been there for all of these years. My father is to blame. Oh the first real male figure in my life. My dear old dad, God rest his sole, is the answer and the curse in my nightmare, my hell.
Even from his grave he is still controlling my life. Well today is a new day. I am going to try and let of of the fact that I can't make my Dad happy. If don't I will ruin the rest of my life. It is all to painful for me to continue like this.
I love Jesse!
Just maybe it is time I start telling this man how I feel before I really mess things up.
He has nothing to prove to my father. He is not Doug, he is not Steve, he is not anyone that I ever dated. He is Jesse a man that without boundaries came back to me. I must understand that our love was meant to be and let go of my fathers hold. His life of what he wanted for me. Yes I have some of those same dreams but those words ringing in my ears all the time are only holding me back from the best thing that has ever happened to me next to my boys. Jesse!
Even from his grave he is still controlling my life. Well today is a new day. I am going to try and let of of the fact that I can't make my Dad happy. If don't I will ruin the rest of my life. It is all to painful for me to continue like this.
I love Jesse!
Just maybe it is time I start telling this man how I feel before I really mess things up.
He has nothing to prove to my father. He is not Doug, he is not Steve, he is not anyone that I ever dated. He is Jesse a man that without boundaries came back to me. I must understand that our love was meant to be and let go of my fathers hold. His life of what he wanted for me. Yes I have some of those same dreams but those words ringing in my ears all the time are only holding me back from the best thing that has ever happened to me next to my boys. Jesse!
# posted by Kelmitt @ 11:49 AM 
